Accepting the Challenge

It’s November and appropriately we’ve been talking about giving thanks.  But we can all agree, it’s been a weird year.  A year of uncertainty, a year of change.  A year of political tensions, racial tensions, and religious tensions.  A year of illness and fear.  A year of scrambling to adjust our businesses, our social engagements, our worship to fit the new guidelines and mandates.  It would be really easy to get lost in the struggles of loneliness, uncertainty, and fear and move quickly past this season of Thanksgiving in the hopes of quickly ushering in a new year.  A new year with new hopes, new plans, new joys.  But God calls us to a life of peace in the now, an attitude of thanksgiving every day, to find joy in the moment, to be fully present, fully engaged.  Looking only to the future, seeking the change or the fix, will rob us of all our joy in the now.

Last week, we asked you to join us in giving thanks every day.  We challenged you and ourselves to open our hearts to let God work in us, heal us, and grow us, through learning to be just as grateful in the little things as the big things.  I committed to joining this challenge, and so with the help of a dear friend, we’ve been posting our daily thanks in a shared message.  We’re only 10 days in (truthfully only 7 because I started right after last week’s blog post), but I wanted to share a little of what’s happening to me…

I have some amazing big things to be thankful for.  If you read our blog regularly you know some of the big stories, but this month, I’ve really been focused on the everyday.

Making the List

1. Election Day/The country I get to live in
2. My family, kids who more often than not, bring me great joy
3. The previous 17 years at a ministry that I love.  Even in the hard times, they were the most amazing years of ministry & growth, more than I ever thought I would have.
4. That my future & hope belongs to God and not this election.
5. Evenings with no kids at home
6. Nights I don’t have to cook.
7. Water – in all it’s forms but today it’s an outdoor hot tub at the gym
8. Amazing women friends
9. Excitement and vision new FZ plans
10.  Afternoon naps
11.  Game nights with friends
12.  New Blinds and a hubby who hangs them
13.  Football games in the sunshine in November
14.  Chinese Food
15.  Dad’s negative Covid Test
16.  Family Game Nights
17.  German Food
18.  Getting to visit really big cuddly horses –  made me feel like a kid again
19.  An unexpected phone call with a friend
20.  Change of plans that allowed me to go to my son’s football game.
21.  An impromptu dinner out with the whole family.

Inviting Change

That’s it.  It’s not super spiritual or deep.  It’s not an attempt to explain why I’m grateful for each thing.  There are no rules about what qualifies of being worthy of this list.  It’s just simply a recap of the day and the things that I appreciated.  Sometimes I flesh those our further in prayer and talk to God about why something brought me such joy, but sometimes it just is what it is.  And can I tell you something?  It’s changing me.  I’ve only been doing this a week, but I see it in the little things.  I’m less grumpy, less pessimistic, less easily frustrated.  Acknowledging a great interaction or experience with someone, smooths over the bumpy moments in another interaction (especially with family).  Focusing on the positive of a change in plans leaves me less cranky than simply having to accept a change of plans. 

All the daily frustrations still exist, but its an extra moment of joy, a grateful heart instead of a resentful one, a wave of peace over anxiety.  Somehow this list of things to be grateful for, taking the time to write it down, reflecting on it, and talking to God about it, is creating space for more love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, and gentleness.  Won’t you join us?  Really, what do you have to lose?  If a moment of thanksgiving creates more space for these gifts, isn’t it worth it?  Don’t the people in your life deserve that version of you, doesn’t the world, don’t you?

Reflecting

“You are more than the choices that you’ve made, You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, You are more than the problems you create…”  those lyrics!!!  From the song “You are more,” by Tenth Avenue North, those lyrics have always found fertile ground in my heart.

I have made mistakes.  So many mistakes.  I have made mistakes as a daughter, a sister, a mother, a wife, and as a friend.  I have failed as a leader and failed as a Christian.  I have failed as a volunteer and as an employee.  I have failed myself.  But that is not the end of my story.

I recently read a blog post where the writer wrote that “I am not my past mistakes.”  While I understand the intentions of that post and that wording, I struggled with it.  Because deep down, I know that I am.  Every failure has defined me in some way.  Every hurt I have caused or have received has etched a memory on my heart.  Every one of those moments influences the decisions I make today.  So, I am the sum of my past mistakes, but the notable difference between the blog post and the song lyrics is the word “more.”

You see, I am the sum of my failures, but I am also more.  I have learned from those mistakes.  I have taken those failures and learned to do something different.  I learned how to do it better, act slower, think more, and pray more. I learned to support better, to walk in more humility, to serve better and to love better.  I learned to apologize better and own my mistakes sooner, and when everything felt broken and beyond repair, I learned to let Jesus’ truth be the loudest truth, not the voices of accusation around me.

In this series of posts about laying down the masks we wear, the most difficult to lay down are the masks that cover our failures, that conceal our broken places, our mistakes, and our doubts. The truth is we all fail, the trick is in failing forward.  Learning from our mistakes, changing the way we do it next time, humbling ourselves and asking for forgiveness, and learning how to forgive ourselves regardless of the others’ response.  When we hide our failure we also hide God’s glory; we hide the beauty of restoration, grace, forgiveness, and unconditional love.

This week, as you walk into the next hard conversation, the next hard decision, the next mess to clean up or plans to change, would you ask Jesus what masks you need to lay down?  Do you need to apologize to someone or own a mistake?  Do you need to admit you don’t know and humbly ask Jesus into the situation?  Do you need to set down fear of failure, and pride and self-image in order to allow the beauty of God’s restoration and peace to shine in your circumstance?

We teach and preach a message of a loving God.  A God who forgives and saves.  A God who restores and heals. This week, can you allow that reflection of God to be seen in your life? 

‘Cause this is not about what you’ve done,
But what’s been done for you.
This is not about where you’ve been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade.

 – “You Are More,” Tenth Avenue North

Uniquely You

October feels like a good time to talk about masks.  Not the facemasks our season of COVID has required, but rather the kind we hide behind.  The masks of strength and courage, masks of busyness and happiness, masks of vanity and appearance, and even sometimes masks of faith.  But probably the most commonly worn mask is the mask of conformity… the one you put on to fit in.  To sound right, to look right, to think right, and to feel right.

So today, my friend Peni, has a message to all of us square pegs trying to fit into round holes.  Yes, we all have rough edges that need smoothing, but maybe, just maybe, you aren’t meant to round off all your sharp edges, maybe those edges are meant to leave a mark.

Prickly Fuzzy

Have you ever felt like you don’t fit anywhere? You see the world through a lens of how things can be done better or differently and so people think you’re negative? That has been the story of my life. As long as I can remember people have called me weird. I do things my own way. I was oft referred to as a prickly fuzzy; (prickly on the outside, but if you hang in there all fuzzy and soft on the inside.)

            As with most people I learned to fake being the right kind of person to get a job done. I worked on a church staff, as a volunteer first and then as a part of the staff. I did poorly in relating to my teammates. I made a mistake and was completely myself. I did not wear a mask or soften any of my edges. People liked me or they didn’t. I thought church staff was a safe place to be. I forgot that no one is a saint, and everyone has baggage. I made efforts to repair damage but when those failed, I became angry and jaded. The uplifting quotes, beautiful songs, devotionals and studies that everyone around me raved about didn’t do anything for me. The rah rah culture was uncomfortable and foreign to me. I just wanted to do my job and be left alone, unfortunately for me, my church was highly relational. In retrospect, they taught me things about relationship and I am grateful.

I still don’t fit. I’m aloof and blunt. I’m okay with it. As a woman, many of the things in this world that are supposed to appeal to me because they appeal to lots of women…they do not. God has gifted me with an eye for the unusual, the outcast, the different. He has also used my weirdness to be able to see both sides of most things because I’m not overly involved, and I don’t get wrapped up in the emotional aspects of things. Please know that I have spent most of my life thinking that God forgot to give me a piece when he was putting me together. He has led me to know that I’m not supposed to fit. He made me that way.

I saw a bumper sticker one day and it said “Somewhere between Proverbs 31 and Tupac, there’s me” I laughed and thanked God for its timeliness in reminding me of how much He cares for me and I could rest in that moment. Philippians 4:6.

In The Presence Of My Savior

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders…..  You may recognize those words from the popular song “Oceans,” by Hillsong United.  The first time I heard that song, it called deeply to something in me.  The need for adventure, the desire to follow God anywhere, the passionate call to something more… and I wasn’t the only one.

Turns out that song spoke strongly to my daughter too.  She was in her first year of college, a place I wanted her to be, in a season where she wanted to be somewhere else.  She had completed several mission trips over the previous year and a half and she was hungry for more.  To love people, to change the world, to follow Jesus unconditionally.  The problem was, both her father and I desperately wanted her to finish school first, and if I’m honest, we were advising from our own “knowing what is best” instead of asking God what she should be doing.

Before too long, we were at a crossroads, she wasn’t doing well in school, simply because she didn’t want to be there, and she had applied and been accepted for a position with a missions organization in San Francisco.  Her heart was full, and she was excited.  I had concerns, I had fear, but I was also incredibly proud of her beautiful heart for people and her courage.

It wasn’t long before we were packing her up and sending her off.  As I helped her pack, bought airline tickets to fly us out, connected with old friends and set up meetings so she could have a safety net, should something go wrong 1500 miles from home,  she told me God had been speaking to her through this song.  I’m not sure I remember the early details, but throughout her application & interview process, this song had played notably several times.  The point at which she told me the story, we had just completed a sending off prayer & worship time with some close friends and mentors,  and that song had been in the set.  Just a week later, the song played again in the shuttle bus to the airport, again in the fast food restaurant we ate lunch in, and again in the rental car as we drove away from the airport into her new adventure.

We spent several days in California together and heard the song so many times in unexpected places. The last time we heard it together, was when we visited the church closest to her new work location to see if it could be a good fit for her, and it was part of the worship set.  God had chosen this song for her, to remind her that she was on track, to encourage her when she doubted, to combat fear of the unknown.  He gave it to me too.  To remind me parenting adult children is a act of faith and trust I never expected, that His plans are better than my plans, that she was His first and He’s got her.  When I left her at her new home, and flew back to mine, with tears streaming down my face, the lyrics were my prayer. 

Both for her and for myself.

“Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior”                               

                                                  -Hillsong United

Over the course of the next several months, God would use this song to remind her and to remind me that He was ever present.  When she felt lonely and out of place, when she questioned her choice to go, we remembered His promises.  When she called and told me about the shooting that occurred just down the street, I clung to His promises.

Even just last week, years after that initial journey, she called to tell me that God used the song to speak over her current situation.  Over the last 2 years, as God has led me out of a ministry that I loved, and into this ministry that I love, I have cried and celebrated and prayed with this song more times that I can count.

As we wrap up a month of talking about the different ways God speaks to us, can I challenge you not to keep Him  in a box.  There is no one way God speaks.  Sometimes it is loud and clear, sometimes it is a hint of something that we have to pursue to understand, sometimes it is through the voice of others, or the nature around us, and sometimes it is simply a knowing, an understanding.  Scripture, songs, teaching, the touch of a stranger, visions, dreams, a feeling of warmth…  God speaks.

And today, as you lean into Him, it is my sincere prayer that he lead to where your trust is without borders and you walk upon the waters, that you go deeper than you ever dreamed, that your faith would be made stronger and you would know the presence of your Savior.