Removing the Mask
We are spending the month of October talking about the masks we wear. As women in ministry there are many times that the mask feels more welcome than the reality. Certainly, there are times that confidence, strength, and stability are needed from us, as well as time that silliness and cheerleading and encouragement are called for. But as we talk about taking off the mask, looking at the real us, you know deep in your heart I’m not referring to a moment where strength is needed, I’m talking about a mask that hides the real issues, the real you; for minutes, hours, weeks, months, years.
I have spent much of my life in hiding. As a child I hid uncertainty and not knowing, often falling or failing because I was afraid to ask for help. As a teenager I hid intelligence and hurt, trying hard to fit in and not be too much. As a young adult these things blended into this mask of having it all together, independence and strength. In my thirties these masks had blended with what and who I thought my church wanted me to be and so the masks of humility and service and wisdom layered over the existing masks. There comes a point when all the masks we are wearing weigh heavy on our lives, our relationships, even our souls.
I was in my thirties, a mother of 4, serving in my church, volunteering at the school, maintaining a house, working, and oh so very tired. On the surface, I had everything I had said I wanted, marriage, family, friends, home, stability. And yet very few people really knew me, how could they, I didn’t really know me.
And then a new journey began. A journey to discover who I was under all the masks. A journey to walk thru all the things I thought were true of me. A journey to unravel the layers of protection and hiding I had surrounded myself with. Grace extended to the little girl who was so afraid to be wrong and look stupid. Tears shed for the lonely teenager, surrounded by people but always feeling on the outside. Compassion for the young wife who made a lot of mistakes. Mercy given for the young mother who placed far too much emphasis on how her children made her look and feel. Peace offered for the school volunteer who’s drive and need to come through often pushed her to exhaustion. Kindness extended to the church volunteer and eventually staff member who stepped on toes or said the wrong thing.
It didn’t happen overnight. It included a few studies, and a season of sitting in a counselor’s office. A season of identifying, at times painfully, who my real friends are, and walking into dark places. A season of looking back on the lies of the enemy and inviting Jesus to show me His truth in those places. And while dark places, those corners of your memory and your heart you wish you could pretend never existed, are not generally fun places to return to, something amazing happens as you begin to shine line into those corners. Suddenly the corners are less dark, the shadows less scary. Ironically enough, darkness only exists in darkness, the moment you shine light on it, it begins to lose it’s hold. With each layer of masks that Jesus asked me to remove, I found beauty, beauty where I had always only thought to cover up brokenness.
There is beauty in brokenness, strength in vulnerability, wisdom in knowing you don’t know everything, freedom in owning mistakes, joy in silliness, hope in failing, and rest in stopping. As you move into this next 
week, are there masks He is asking you to lay down? He is gentle, He won’t tear them from you and He won’t ask to you to just pull them all off at once, but piece by piece, as you lay them at His feet, He will walk with you to heal the broken places you have covered up, to trade beauty for ashes, and to shine light in the darkness.