Unmasked

Uniquely You

October feels like a good time to talk about masks.  Not the facemasks our season of COVID has required, but rather the kind we hide behind.  The masks of strength and courage, masks of busyness and happiness, masks of vanity and appearance, and even sometimes masks of faith.  But probably the most commonly worn mask is the mask of conformity… the one you put on to fit in.  To sound right, to look right, to think right, and to feel right.

So today, my friend Peni, has a message to all of us square pegs trying to fit into round holes.  Yes, we all have rough edges that need smoothing, but maybe, just maybe, you aren’t meant to round off all your sharp edges, maybe those edges are meant to leave a mark.

Prickly Fuzzy

Have you ever felt like you don’t fit anywhere? You see the world through a lens of how things can be done better or differently and so people think you’re negative? That has been the story of my life. As long as I can remember people have called me weird. I do things my own way. I was oft referred to as a prickly fuzzy; (prickly on the outside, but if you hang in there all fuzzy and soft on the inside.)

            As with most people I learned to fake being the right kind of person to get a job done. I worked on a church staff, as a volunteer first and then as a part of the staff. I did poorly in relating to my teammates. I made a mistake and was completely myself. I did not wear a mask or soften any of my edges. People liked me or they didn’t. I thought church staff was a safe place to be. I forgot that no one is a saint, and everyone has baggage. I made efforts to repair damage but when those failed, I became angry and jaded. The uplifting quotes, beautiful songs, devotionals and studies that everyone around me raved about didn’t do anything for me. The rah rah culture was uncomfortable and foreign to me. I just wanted to do my job and be left alone, unfortunately for me, my church was highly relational. In retrospect, they taught me things about relationship and I am grateful.

I still don’t fit. I’m aloof and blunt. I’m okay with it. As a woman, many of the things in this world that are supposed to appeal to me because they appeal to lots of women…they do not. God has gifted me with an eye for the unusual, the outcast, the different. He has also used my weirdness to be able to see both sides of most things because I’m not overly involved, and I don’t get wrapped up in the emotional aspects of things. Please know that I have spent most of my life thinking that God forgot to give me a piece when he was putting me together. He has led me to know that I’m not supposed to fit. He made me that way.

I saw a bumper sticker one day and it said “Somewhere between Proverbs 31 and Tupac, there’s me” I laughed and thanked God for its timeliness in reminding me of how much He cares for me and I could rest in that moment. Philippians 4:6.