Refining

Change can be exciting, it can be challenging, and sometimes it just hurts.  Too many times in ministry, the hurt from change is pushed down or hidden as it feels like a shameful reaction.  We assume that we are just reluctant to change and stuck in our ways, or that we lack faith, or that we aren’t on board.  Sometimes that is true, sometimes it is not.

Regardless of where the hurt comes from, it still deserves to be acknowledged and honored.  If, in a season of change, you experience loss, it is possible to be on board with change but still grieve the loss.  Grief is not selfish or bad, what we do with it is a different story.

Several years ago, God began to take me down a path of significant change.  I didn’t know it yet, but He was leading me away from a ministry and a position that I loved to a new opportunity.  I wasn’t looking for a new opportunity, and so many things began to change and shift in my current situation that I felt incredible loss and grief.  Even when it became clear that God was opening a new door, I resisted and tried to get on board with all the changes around me.  I started wondering if I was really just stuck in my ways, or if I had done something wrong to cause this constant feeling of loss.  When I finally chose to walk through the door God offered, I admit, I was excited for what could be, but was still very much grieving what I was walking away from. 

I wish I had honored that feeling more.  Instead it felt like a lack of faith in His new promises to talk about the loss.  It felt disloyal and “not on mission” with my new ministry to feel sad about leaving the old.  As I silenced the grief of the loss, I began to replace it with reasons and justification, and before I even knew what was happening, anger and resentment for the changes that led to my leaving had taken the place of grief.  I felt torn, I was excited about the new opportunity and ministry I had been given but I was also angry and hurt by the loss of the old.  And then I heard this….

The last thing to burn out of Gold in the refining process is silver.  God is burning out the good to get to the great.

Let that sink in.

When gold is refined in fire all the impurities are burned up.  The dirt and rocks and stone are fairly easy to remove.  Later the other minerals and metals are burned up.  But the hardest, hottest part of the refining process is the removal of silver.  And silver is beautiful.  It is also precious.  On its own it has its own worth and value.  There is a time a place for silver.  But God is always changing us, always refining us. 

It turns out I was in the refiner’s fire, and it was hot and it hurt and I was clinging on to precious silver, and it was time to let go.  I wish I had done it a little more gracefully.  It took a while, and I probably forced the fire to burn hotter than it needed to (and suffered a few extra burns along the way) but I finally realized the truth.  God had traded me gold for silver.  The silver is still beautiful, it has purpose, it has worth. I can look back and appreciate it, but gold it what He calls us to.

If you find yourself in the the midst of painful changes, I pray you stop and look closer.  If you are experiencing loss, I pray you honor it and grieve it well.  And in the midst of the fire, the heat and yes, the pain, I pray you see the gold that God is offering you in exchange.