Who’s in your Circle?

A few weeks ago a former coworker sought me out to talk.  In our conversation he expressed deep pain and loneliness since he had left his position in ministry.  He was only sporadically attending a church and still hurting from his most recent ministry experience.  He said, “I am drowning, and I don’t know what to do.”

He is not alone.  In the midst of ministry and amazing service, we can lose ourselves.  Our work, our co-workers, our boss, our friends, our family, our church, and our employees are all the same people.  When things are good, this beautiful harmony, common vision and mission, and constant contact feels good, powerful even, unstoppable. But when things take a turn, hard seasons, painful relationship rifts, and unwelcome change, can quickly feel like we are losing everything.

I have been in this season, if you work or serve in full-time ministry you have probably been through this season.  It can be so hard.  In my story, in a season of incredible church growth, it became apparent that a good friendship was not going to survive the growing pains of our ministry.  It broke my heart, I held on longer than I probably should have, I turned a blind eye to manipulations and disagreements that ultimately ended up hurting us both more.  I wish I had done it differently, but I was also feeling so alone.  We had been in this together, the two of us against the world in growing a ministry, but in the midst of fierce opposition  when it became apparent that our relationship was struggling, I realized I had made a mistake.  I didn’t have a circle of people, I had one person, and I was losing her.

God, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, intervened.  He highlighted other women, other people who I had kept at a safe distance during our “just the two of us” friendship.  He brought people to speak some truth into my life and to encourage and love.  Some of them spoke painful truth, some of them showed grace and love and understanding that I didn’t deserve, some of them re-engaged friendship.  And in that season, a season of hurt and loneliness, God built this incredible circle of friends in my life.

What I didn’t know then was that He was building a circle that would sustain many hard seasons moving forward.  That five years later this group would be my lifeline as once again significant changes in ministry happened.  They would be my council, my strength, my sympathetic ears, and my hard truth advisors in serious growth and pain moments.  They would be my strongest allies when I stayed to fight, and they would be my fiercest prayer warriors when God began to speak of moving to something new.

I probably could have done it without them, I’m glad I didn’t have to.  

This weekend, I was incredibly blessed to be able to spend the weekend with two woman of my circle.  One of them moved away two years ago, and what was intended to be only a separation of distance but with regular visits,  because of COVID turned into a much longer time.  The other, while still local, changes in our work and ministry callings mean that we don’t see each-other as much as we used to.  A last minute plan to meet up took shape and the three of us spent 2 days reconnecting, talking, and laughing together.  We weaved our way through current events, life changes, spiritual health, healing, and family updates.  We sat pool side and dreamed a little about the future.  We shared tender moments and a hurting heart for the brokenness of our world, and were exceptionally kind to the people we interacted with.  We did nothing and yet everything.  

And I was reminded, we all need this.  I need a circle.  You need a circle.  The former co-worker I started this story with needs a circle.  The good news is God knows that, and He is preparing one for you, but you have to pay attention.  You have to be intentional.  Don’t be like me and wait for the most painful parts of your story, to allow God to bring in your circle, be proactive.

At first glace, my circle wouldn’t all make sense.  I have super sensitive people and tell it like it is people.   Ministry People and Secular Work World people. Funny and serious. Young moms and Grandmas. Sarcastic and gentle.  But beneath the differences, what my circle is, is a group of women genuinely seeking the will of God in their lives.  Committed to being better people, better wives, mothers, employees, friends.  Committed to asking “where is Jesus” in that.  Committed to having hard conversations and staying in it when it get’s hard.  These are my people and I am eternally grateful for them.

Who is in your circle?  Who are your people?  There is no magic number.  I have 8 in my inner circle, Jesus had 12.  Do you have 1? (I might argue that 2 people don’t really make a circle, but it’s a start.)  If you know who your circle is, if you can easily identify the people who will stand with you, fight for and with you, speak truth and love in equal measure, then I applaud you.  Enjoy.  However, if that is not your story, it’s time to seek God, to ask for names, to open doors and conversation.

We are after all created for relationship.  Will you choose today to connect with your circle if you haven’t done so in a while, or to begin to ask Jesus who is supposed to be in your circle.  It will change your life.