Uncertainty and Waiting

It’s been a weird season.  I know I’m not alone in that.  The whole world feels off its axis.  A virus that shut down most of the world, the end of large gatherings, and extreme travel restrictions.  The daily evaluation of whether our next outing is essential, wise, or safe.  I don’t live in fear, but I live in consideration.   There are people who have had to go out, for work or for services, and I don’t want to be dismissive of their need for distance.  I have a beloved circle of friends who represent some part of the at-risk population, whether it be their age, their medical circumstance, or the ages & medical needs of the people they care for.  I have learned some things about myself.  I can be cooped up with my family and not go crazy.  I can enjoy the sudden slowdown of our crazy schedules and just be present.  There are things that fill the “have to” column of my life that aren’t really necessary.  I also was starkly reminded that I do not like uncertainty and I don’t like to wait.

Waiting and uncertainty… that is the theme of this season and it is my least favorite.  Even in crisis or when something goes wrong a plan to make it better can be put into action.  And, of course, there is all the fun planning; the events, the vacations, the sports leagues, etc..  Here at Finding Zarephath we had all sorts of plans for this fall… the launching of retreats, one day events, fundraisers and more.  Everything is waiting, in a loop, and the elevator hold music is getting old….

Abraham and Sarah

But in this season, God has taken me back to a reading thru the bible plan.  And like most people, I’ve started many and finished few, so the Genesis chapters get read and re-read time again.  It’s easy to brush over them, the creation story, the flood, Abraham and Sarah, Moses.  We’ve read the stories, some of us have taught them, the meaning, the implication, the faithfulness of God, and we read them in this way where God makes a promise and then He delivers.  This time though, this time for me is different… I’ll tell you something… there is a lot of waiting.

Today, I’ve been reflecting on Abraham and Sarah.  God clearly had a plan for Abraham’s life, He made covenants and promises to them for their future, and yet there was a lot of waiting.  It’s easy to miss the time lapse.  If you read it casually, God makes a promise and they lose faith and try it their own way, God makes a promise again, they laugh, but ultimately God proves He is faithful and they have Isaac.  What is easy to overlook, or dismiss because we know the ending, is the waiting.  60-ish years from the first mention of descendants.  30 years from the covenant.  13 years after Ishmael.  That’s a lot of waiting.  I would not have made a very good Sarah.  I will also never judge her again for trying to fulfill the promise her own way or for laughing when God repeated it.  Don’t I do the same?  Don’t we do the same?

His Way

So, I will take the lessons of Sarah to heart.  My timing is not always God’s timing, my ideas and ways are not always God’s ideas and ways.  I will try to submit my plans, my timing, my goals to Him and I will trust His promises.  I may blow it along the way… correction, I will blow it along the way.  I will get the timing wrong sometimes, I will try my own way, and forget that His way is better, but I will try to do better.  I will trust Him, lean into Him, and walk with Him.  For His ways and thoughts are different, but they are better.

June Snow & Winter Sunshine

I love water and sunshine and sand, and I live in the mountains.  My sweet friend loves rain, and big fat snow flakes and lives near the beach… we both see the beauty of our locations,  it’s just not necessarily the preferred location.  That is also not the end of our differences.  We are different in so many ways, how we relate to others, how we see the world, the things we worry about, the things we stress over.  She calls me out of my own head space often, she likes to poke holes in the justification and reasoning I often try to hide behind.  She challenges me to be a better person, a multi dimensional person, and person who won’t settle for less than all Jesus has for me.  I have watched her struggle with her differences, I have watched her adjust, battle and accept those depending on the circumstances.  I have learned a lot from her about people, myself and Jesus.

Do you ever feel out of place like a June Snow – you know, like many of us woke up to today?!?  I pray you read her words,  allow them to flow over you.  We are all beautifully different, the very things we think make us “other” are the strength and gifting that Jesus gave us.

Her Story

I’m not like anyone I know. I’m not like anyone on TV or in the movies. When God was knitting me together and counting the hairs on my head, he most definitely made me unique amongst humans. I look at other people and they fit some societal mold that I don’t seem to fit in to but I tell you there is a secret. Everyone feels weird, alone, separate at some or most times in our lives. God did make us unique. I enjoy cloudy days and watching heavy laden snowflakes fall. I love a downpour. Sunshine is optional. I have loved Jesus for as long as I can remember, and it is that relationship that has sustained me. As with any relationship, I did not take care of it in the early years. As with many young people, I thought I knew better what I should do and of course, I didn’t. The beautiful thing is when I was flat on my face begging for forgiveness and reprieve from the consequences of my actions…Jesus picked me up off the ground, wiped away my tears and comforted me.

You are you. The world will often not understand you. Be kind, don’t be angry, just keep being who God created you to be. Grow your relationship with Him, stay in constant communication with Him to ensure your path remains straight. You will make mistakes, He won’t leave you. You will be frustrated and angry and sad…take it to Him. Some may say, “I don’t know who He created me to be.” One foot in front of the other. Keep learning, keep moving, He will make clear the path. I inquire daily as to whether I’m doing as He would have me to do. I feel like I’m annoying Him; I know that I am not. Embrace your uniqueness, use it to glorify your heavenly Father, whether it fits what the world thinks it should be or not.

“I DON’T NEED A FRIEND WHO CHANGES WHEN I CHANGE AND WHO NODS WHEN I NOD; MY SHADOW DOES THAT MUCH BETTER.”  -PLUTARCH