When Love Hurts…

We live in a broken world.  This is not the world the way God designed it, our human relationships aren’t what God envisioned when he set us up in the garden.  There was intimacy and trust and a natural balance in our world which we have lost as a result of the fall and so very many bad choices since then (Adam & Eve aren’t the only ones who blew it).  I’ve made my share of mistakes; I’ve been a distracted friend, an impatient mother, a frustrated wife, a disengaged employee, and an unreliable volunteer… my guess is so have you.  Not always, not even mostly, but it’s there.  And then there’s the other side, I have been hurt by friends and family and employers and coworkers…. my guess is so have you.  Not always, and not even mostly, but certainly there have been seasons and moments that the pain has felt like too much to carry.

So, how do we still love, keep moving forward in the face of betrayal, abandonment, or even just invisibility?  We’ve all heard the lessons about forgiveness, that forgiveness is more about us than the person we are forgiving, and I believe that wholeheartedly.  Harboring anger and resentment will eat you up from the inside and leave the person you direct it at relatively unscathed in comparison.  But even as we move in obedience to forgive, our hearts ache.  There is always a loss of some sort in broken relationships.  So how do we fight for our hearts?

Grace & Truth

We are at war.  Our war is a generational blood feud and we have been born into it and have been fighting even before knowing our enemy – he has come in like a thief and told us lies, lies about men, lies about church, lies about society, lies about women, lies about God, and lies about us.   He has been our accuser , he has called us too much and not enough, he has called us shameful and worthless, he has called us unloved, unprotected, not worth fighting for and even before we understood all the words,  we agreed with him, in a million small ways and later in life in bigger ways.  And the reality is, the most painful hurt we receive from those we care about, are that they appear to be in agreement… a guilty verdict.

The same war we are battling, the same ways we have failed, our loved ones battle and fail too.  Their accuser, their lies, their fears, look so much more like ours than most of us believe.  They do not wake up in the morning thinking “How can I hurt someone I love today” the offence usually comes in a moment of reaction to their own wounding.  So, can you spend just a moment sitting in their shoes, knowing what you know of their story (while understanding you barely know anything), and see where their brokenness showed up?  Not to excuse their actions, but to understand them.  To feel their hurt, and their insecurity, and in doing so, can your anger turn to grief.  Grief for their heart and their identity.  Can you stand in Jesus’ shoes for just a moment… Father forgive them, they don’t even known what they’ve done.  Can you honor your pain, by acknowledging the lie it poked at? Honor your relationship by standing in empathy with the person who hurt you for just a moment? And then, can you ask Jesus to step in and heal you both.

Restoration

Someday this world will come to an end, at that time the proper order of all things will be restored, with God at the head, us by His side, and everything else beneath that.  We will see each other clearly the way we were designed to be, the way God already sees us, in the meantime the path to loving well even when it hurts is to trust that Jesus sees it all more clearly and to lean into Him.

Andschana Aljets is the Executive Director of Finding Zarephath. 

She loves to share the things she is learning and hearing and

invites you to journey with her. 

Loving God

The Heart of Jesus

A few years ago, I was going through the study “Captiving” by Staci Eldredge. In it, Staci was talking about Genesis describing us as being created in God’s image, male and female He created us, but then she went on to say “we bear the image of God, but in a way only women can. What does that tell you about the heart of God?”

It feels like a simple question, but let that sink in… I can’t even tell you what these words did to me. I was in my mid 30s and had spent most of my life apologizing – I’m too needy, I’m too emotional, I’m sorry I need you to tell me you love me, I’m sorry I need you to pursue me, I’m sorry I still need to hear that you like me and want to spend time with me, etc. I’d spent so many years thinking of this is a feminine weakness, neediness, insecurity and in an instant I realized, it’s not that at all.

This is the feminine heart of Jesus – this is a reflection of Him and His desires – he wants to be desired, to be pursued, to be known. He wants quality time, He wants words of joy and enjoyment, He wants all of me and wants me to want all of those things with Him. Those desires are holy, God-given – I was just looking for answers in all the wrong places. I was looking to my husband and my family and my friends, and yes they have a role to play in this, but this bottomless ache, this empty void, is a place only Jesus can fill and it was meant for him.

Andschana Aljets is the Executive Director of Finding Zarephath.  She loves to share the things she is learning and hearing with the rest of you and invites you on the journey with her.  “None of us have arrived, I am closer today than I was 10 years ago, and will be closer 10 years from now than I am today.”

Dreams

I have been privileged to be made aware of this newly founded happening called Finding Zarephath.  I understand that the vision for this endeavor was birthed by a (divinely inspired) dream.  A dream that revealed the need for a place of safety, a place of rest, a place of God’s continued provision.  A place of serving and being served.  A place of life and resurrection, of miracles and revelation.  A place of respite for battle weary Christian women who have been serving in various capacities in ministry.

Probably the main reason for my opportunity to pen this piece is that I too, had a dream. The parallels of my dream to Zarephath are extraordinary.

My dream was situated in what appeared to be a congregation of Christian people gathered in what was recognizable as a church like setting.  Instead of the traditional service accoutrements most of us are familiar with, the people were up out of their seats ministering to one another from a heart of sincere caring and concern.  A man came and sat beside me.  From his loving demeanor and caring and thoughtful presence, I experienced a euphoric sensation of joy and peace that truly “passed all understanding”.  My thoughts were, “Is this the way it is in heaven”?  “Is this what God intended for us to experience when He commanded us to love one another”?  Now months later, though muffled by time, I can still recall the comfort to my soul.  This elevated elation was taking place throughout the congregation.

Since the night of the dream, I have pondered its meaning.  I think I understand now what was happening.

Unraveling the Dream – A call to Love

Scripture speaks to us in numerous places about how important it is to hear what the Son has said in these last times.  Jesus said if we just hear and don’t DO, it is a recipe for failure (Matt.7:24-27).

As Bible believing followers of Christ, we understand that God IS love and we humans are created in His image.  We are commanded to love as He loves (sacrificially); Him first and foremost and each other in the same manner (Matt.22:36-40).  All the law God has put forth for mankind hangs (depends) on those two precepts (v 40).  Carrying one another’s burden’s fulfills the “LAW” of Christ (Gal.6:2).

When Jesus says, “I AM the way, the truth and the life”, what do we think He meant?  Throughout the Bible, from the beginning forward,  and in these last days by the Son, we hear God saying that MY WAY is to love (sacrificially).

Our (mankind) way is often to serve God by doing something that seems to us to be worthy of His approval (see Isaiah 58 and Rev. 2:1-5) but is missing the most important ingredient.  I believe with all my being that the Son is loudly calling out for us to hear Him in these last times:

“MY WAY IS SACRIFICIAL LOVE, NOT DUTIFUL SERVICE”

 The Lord is diligent in His desire that we hear Him.  Not easy to process but yet it IS the Word of God, if any worthwhile endeavor in His name is not flowing first out of a heart full of love for Him and for other people, it will count for NOTHING! (1 Cor. 13:1-3).  Paul said that in Christ Jesus, the only thing that matters is “faith activated and expressed and working through love” (Gal. 5:6).

To repeat for emphasis:   GOD’S WAY IS LOVE—–NOTHING ELSE WILL COUNT FOR ANYTHING

I believe that when we focus on just doing what the Son has said to do and actually do it, we receive the power to function as children of God (John 1:12).  It is a power that changes us into the image of Christ (2 Cor.3:18). The transforming power to change us into the image of Christ is the power of love, and the power of love is the power of God.

According to Ephesians 3:16-19, when we are “rooted and grounded in love” we will be so strengthened in our inner man (heart) that we will “experience” first hand for ourselves, the awesome power of God (Eph.3:16-19). 

When we have found that place, I submit to you, I believe we have found Zarephath!

Michael J Gibbs is the founder of Dawning Light Ministries.  A Christian for over sixty years, Michael resides in Colorado Springs, Co. with his wife of forty-eight years, Sue. They have a son and a daughter and four grandsons.  They all share a love for Jesus and the great outdoors.  Michael can be reached at mike@newlifeadvisorygroup.com