Thanksgiving Challenge

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Thanksgiving Challenge

We’ve spent the month of November talking about our experiences this last year in our journey of Thanksgiving.  For a little over a year now, Peni and I have been sharing three things daily that we are grateful for with each other.  We talked about the change it’s made in our lives in continuing to grow and build an attitude of gratitude, the ease with which we can be grateful for big things, and the hard days, we when have to dig deep to be grateful.  We’ve shared the challenges of the journey, the days that don’t quite go as planned, the busy times when day or even a whole week get lost.  And then we shared the unexpected benefits we discovered along the way.  Continuous connection to each other, when life, distance and COVID make regular visits difficult, if not impossible.  The little insights that maybe wouldn’t make a “prayer request” message, and yet, cause us to stop and pray.  The connection and understanding that a simple statement of thanks brings, and also the understanding of a day of silence.  As we move out of the month of Thanksgiving and into the Christmas season we’d like to invite you into the next season with us.  Make it your own, do it alone or find a friend to share it with (I personally am a big fan of the shared journey).  Make it a journal exercise, or a short list. Put it in a shared note, a text message, a phone call or an email.  There are so many ways technology can be our friend in this, but no matter what method you choose, just start.

Below, our final words of wisdom, experience and advice as you start your journey.

Peni

Investigate your history….what have successful habit changes looked like in the past. Post-it notes on the mirror, alarms on your phone, a journal and pen sitting somewhere prominent.

Extend grace to yourself if there are many start/stops.

Start with someone else where grace and encouragement flow freely between you.

As much as we’d all like to be as eloquent as David most of us aren’t. Don’t limit your praises/thankfuls. I am grateful for seasoning and hot sauce when a meal is bland?

From simple to complex is good. Some days are paragraphs of gratefulness. Some days are a struggle to think of anything and thankfulness for a working water heater so I can take a hot shower is my praise.

Why does it matter? 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  – Philippians 4:8

Andschana

 

Just Start – There is no perfect time, place or circumstance.

Partner with someone who will show you grace when you forget but will also hold you accountable and call you back.

There is no “right” answer and therefore no “wrong” one.  Be grateful for the big things, but also the little things, this weekend I was grateful for the opportunity to watch a Christmas movie.

Much like our suggestions here, no two people think and write alike.  I tend to be wordy, Peni is direct.  Your list can be phrases, sentences or whole paragraphs, whatever you need.

Make sure you read the others’ posts and your own.  I’ve learned so much about her life and gained perspective on mine, rereading.

Talk to God about it.  I hate to admit it, but there are days I made the gratitude list and never actually thanked God, maybe more days than I’d like to admit.

Don’t quit.  If you miss a day, a week, or even a month, just pick up and keep going.  You can back fill if you can but if it’s simply been too long, or it feels overwhelming, just pick up and move forward.  Don’t Quit.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. — 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

 

More Thanksgiving Reflections

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A Year of Thanksgiving

A Shared Journey

For about a year now, Peni & I (Andschana) have been posting in a shared note on our phones.  Every day we list 3 things we are grateful for. 

I first wrote about this last year during our November month of Thanksgiving, I was amazed at the changes I was seeing in my attitude, perspective, and general heart condition.  You can go back and read those posts in our Blog history if you like.

This year, we’ve decided to spend the next couple weeks reflecting on our experiences, what God has done with this, and invite you do try it out too.

Last week Peni reflected on her experience, this week it’s my turn.  Our experiences are similar yet different.  This was new for me, I didn’t always remember, but I am incredibly blessed to have a friend who challenges me to continue to grow and keep going even when I miss the mark.

 

Reflections from Andschana

About a year ago I was reflecting with my friend about the changes happening in our world, particularly the political and social/cultural upheaval caused by Covid, the resulting closures & isolation, challenges faced by ministries and just a general sense of negativity.  I was writing our blog posts in the month of Thanksgiving, and feeling the pressure to find positives and rays of hope to point to.

She then invited me to share her journey of Gratefulness. She had been regularly recording three things every day to be thankful for. She suggested I try it too, but then added the kicker, we would create a shared note and each post to it daily. This required a level of commitment that I am often reluctant to engage in, hesitant to do things out of habit or ritual, somehow feeling it takes away from the sincerity of the action, but I allowed her to push me out of my comfort zone.

The first month was great.  I found myself regularly noticing the little things to be grateful for.  Noticing them faster during the day, becoming more aware of the little things in life.  Living in the space of expectation and appreciation, instead of worrying or complaining.

As the first month flowed into the next, as the “big” things to be grateful for faded into to smaller things, as it became a challenge to think of “new things” each day, I sometimes felt discouraged.  Much of life is a routine, and daily being grateful for family night, or a good day of work, a good meal or a great sports event, started to feel repetitive and uninspired.  I kept looking for “important” things to be grateful for, but that was really the point.  Gratefulness in the small things leads to a posture of gratitude.  It’s easy to be grateful for the big things, but being grateful for routine, a simple meal, a brief encounter is what really changes your perspective.

I often stopped posting for a day or three, allowing busyness and distraction to get in the way, but Peni was great at inviting me back.  Sometimes I backfilled the missing days, sometimes, I just picked up and moved forward; turns out ritual wasn’t the point, checking all the boxes wasn’t the point, training myself to see the positives was the point – remembering to celebrate Jesus’ gifts in the middle of ugly circumstances was the point.

The added bonus, the one I didn’t really expect, was how connected this also kept me to my friend.  Through distance and closures, travel bans and isolation, we were able to connect regularly.  And those hundreds of small things end up containing much more detail and insight into each others’ lives, than the monthly phone conversations (no matter how long).

Thanksgiving Reflections

Posted on by FZadmin

A Year of Thanksgiving

A Shared Journey

For about a year now, Peni & I (Andschana) have been posting in a shared note on our phones.  Every day we list 3 things we are grateful for. 

I first wrote about this last year during our November month of Thanksgiving, I was amazed at the changes I was seeing in my attitude, perspective, and general heart condition.  You can go back and read those posts in our Blog history if you like.

This year, we’ve decided to spend the next couple weeks reflecting on our experiences, what God has done with this, and invite you do try it out too.

Today, we offer the reflections from Peni.  She’s been doing this longer and was the one who invited me to do it with her.  I am incredibly grateful for this experience, and especially for friends, like her, who challenge me to grow in new ways, and have grace when I don’t remember to do it every day.

 

Reflections from Peni

About a year ago I had a conversation with my friend who was saddened by what seemed to be on every screen of every size. I invited her to join me on a shared note where we would list three things a day that we were grateful to God for.  I had been doing this on my own for about a year prior. It changed how I view the world and I thought it might uplift her. She agreed.

Two years have passed and I can say this habit changed my perspective throughout every day. I wake up to the sounds of birds twittering and think “there’s the first one God”. Then I’m working in the yard and a chameleon decides my leg is its new tree. As soon as I dance, jiggle, and squawk it off of me, I praise God that chameleon’s don’t have teeth that can bite me.  As I have a lazy evening and reflect on my day; there are so many grateful moments that I make myself pick only a few.  

The best thing about sharing our gratefuls is I feel connected to my friend’s life and she mine. I live in Hawaii and she in Colorado. Distance and time zone disparity make it difficult to stay connected like when we lived a few miles from each other. We are honest in our posts so when she is grateful for cold medicine, or a kids x-ray result it guides my prayers of petition. When a kids hard won sports victory or a personal goal is met it guides my prayers of praise. It is a unique bond. I am grateful that she accepted my invitation.

There is so much to be grateful for in a day and once the habit is formed it goes from the superficial to the serious and back again. It is one of the ways I worship my Heavenly Father. The more I do it the more I see His assertion that “it is good”.

 

Celebration

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Celebrations

I’ve been thinking a lot about celebration lately.   I’m not entirely sure why, but I have felt my heart moved in a few unusual circumstances.  The first was a few weeks ago at a High School Football game.  The hosting team (not ours) was so incredibly generous in celebrating our victory against them with us, that I found myself tearing up talking about it.  Then, over the last few weeks, a new facebook thread keeps showing up in my feed with stories of celebrating amazing human beings.  Not “superhuman” beings, but normal, everyday people who did something nice.  From the unexpected tip, to helping a family in need, random acts of kindness to an elder, to words of encouragement and strength for a stranger in a critical moment.  I read these and my heart grows tender and something in me cries out, “Yes! That is how it’s supposed to be.”  But it isn’t always, not even often, certainly not enough.
Last week our family had a celebration.  Our youngest two children, both in High School, made the decision to be baptized.  Our youth group chose to hold a special student baptism evening on their usual meeting night and invited friends and family to celebrate.  It was a beautiful, fantastic evening where we got to watch all of our children  (two as students and two as leaders) worship, play games, support, cheer on, and celebrate each other and ultimately get baptized.  As parents, who have raised their children in church and active service, it’s a moment of celebration that we did something right, even in the midst of all the not-so-rights.  It was great and the mom in me is so overjoyed at their decision, but something else happened that night….

Celebrating Together

In the short time between worship and Baptism, as one leader left the room with all the teens about to be baptized, the Youth Pastor talked about the journey that had led to this evening.  He talked about the sermon series’ they’d been doing, the importance of living a life on mission with Jesus, and then the importance of celebrating that together.  And, while I’m paraphrasing, he said something like this.  “We want to celebrate together.  We want to life together.  If you attend our youth group and want to be baptized here, then we want to celebrate with you and invite your family to celebrate with you.  If you can’t do it on Wednesday night, then we’ll set you up for Sunday morning, and we will show up to service and we will celebrate with you there.  If your family attends a different church and you want to be baptized there, then let us know and we will gather and come to your church and celebrate with you there.”

Pause… let that sink in.  This youth Pastor and his team have just committed to celebrating their students wherever it is their students need celebrating, even if it’s at another church.  Yes!  That’s the way it should be.  But it isn’t always, not even often, certainly not enough.

I’ve been in church world a long time.  The majority of church employees, volunteers, and leadership are people loving, God fearing individuals.  We are all on mission to spread the hope, love, and joy that Jesus offers.  But we sometimes lose sight of these things, of the bigger plan, the whole picture.  We cheer for our church, we celebrate our victories, and sometimes fail to acknowledge or celebrate the other ministries in our communities.  Friends, can we examine our hearts together.  Can we step up and be the encouragers, celebrators, and kindness ambassadors we are supposed to be, outside of the walls of our church as well as inside?  Sometimes…. Often…. Always.

Jesus said, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” John 13:35

Homecoming

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Homecoming

It’s Homecoming Season for most of the local High Schools and Colleges.  Depending on your school experience, or the experiences of your kids this may or may not be a big deal to you.  In our small town, it’s a pretty big event that spreads out over two days. 

Friday night bonfires, Volleyball games, BBQs and games, followed by Saturday’s Parade, Football games and culminating in the homecoming dance.

Our small town experience is very different than my experiences growing up in a large suburban school.  Homecoming was a dance if you were into dances, it was game if you were into football, it came and went, only those directly interested participated.  But here in small town Colorado, I know I will see people of all different ages and interests show up to these events.  Kids that don’t play sports will decorate floats and cheer on games, kids that don’t dance or don’t want a date will hang out with their friends anyway, the volleyball girls will cheer just as loudly as the cheerleaders at the football game, and the football players will probably dress up in some sort of theme and cheer louder for the Volleyball games than anyone else in attendance.

The parade route will run through town and be lined with infants, toddlers, elementary school kids, parents and grandparents; the parade floats will be filled with Middle School & High School students, Band members, Sports teams, and Cub Scouts.  There will probably be a few horses, definitely several tractors and a few of the coolest cars that are stored in barns and rarely come out to play.

It will be a weekend of Community.  And at it’s very core, it will remind our hearts that this is what we are created for.

We are created to gather together, to encourage each other, to accomplish things together, to battle together, to win or lose together,  to cheer each other on.  To share a meal, and dance and laugh, to tell stories around a bonfire.

And because we are blessed to be in small town America, there will still be a prayer offered before the game, we will stand together and sing the national anthem and the noise of dissention and politics will quiet for a while.

This may not be your community’s Homecoming experience, it wasn’t mine.  For most of my life,  I found my weekly homecoming in showing up to Church on Sundays or small groups during the week.  There, people celebrated me, battled with me, cheered me on, stood with me, prayed with me, and set differences aside.

I’ve talked a lot about the value of our circles recently, I guess at the end of the post, that’s what this one is all about too.  Regardless of what season of life you are in, or how connected your city is, I invite you to celebrate your own homecoming this week.

Connect with your community, celebrate, cheer, and encourage… maybe even do it around a bonfire! 

 

 

 

Our Song

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In the Mountain & the Seas

My Journey with Jesus began in California.  Well, that might now be entirely accurate, since with the beauty of hindsight, I can see many God touches over the course of my childhood… but my conscious decision to follow Jesus and my participation in the Journey started in a little community church in Northern California.  From there Jesus took me (via marriage, the navy, and finally civilian life) to Washington, Alaska and finally (at least for now) Colorado.  Throughout that journey there is one reoccurring worship song that surfaces when I pause and sit with Jesus, and take in my surroundings.  I first learned it in that little Community Church in California, I remember singing it again in Washington as I stood on the Ferry between Bremerton and Seattle, and again on a trip to the Olympic Peninsula.  I heard it often, while surrounded by the beauty of Alaska.  Mountain & Seas both in the same place one rising up out of the other.  Finally, here in Colorado it has come to visit at every single mountain retreat I have led or attended.  And even now, over 30 years since the first time I heard it, it still floats thru my mind regularly.

I can’t find it online, google searches have turned up empty, I reached out to a group of people I used to go to church with back in California to see if any of them remembered it, but so far no success.  If this were a video blog and I could carry a tune, I would sing it for you, but alas, you are stuck with my written word.

“As I look to the mountains, I see your beauty.                                                    As I look to the seas, your might is revealed.                                                    And in the solitude of the morning, Lord your peace fills my aching soul.      You are the holy One (you are the holy One)                                                   You are the Lamb of God (you are the lamb)                                                   You are the One that I bow down too.”

I have sung this song in celebration and I have sung it in desperation.  I have sung it in a crowded church and in the loneliest of seasons.  I have sung it smiling, and I have sung it through sobbing tears.  And I have sung it smiling through sobbing tears.  Somehow, over the years, this has become Jesus’ and my song.  I have talked about and written about the fact that I don’t think I appreciate the beauty of nature as much as the average bear, but then God sends a humming bird (another story for another day), or I realize that “our song” is all about seeing God in nature, and I laugh.  Certainly, God has a sense of humor… but more than that, what else to I miss because I don’t pay attention or don’t think it’s “my thing.”

This week I find myself once again staring at the beauty and majesty of mountains and seas.  My parents have invited their 3 adult children and their spouses on an Alaskan Cruise.  I have not been back to Alaska in 20 years, and truthfully have never been in this part of the state, but I am surrounded at all times by seas and mountains.  And I am in another season of change.  And God is speaking to me through our song.

As I navigate the intricacies of a family vacation (pros and cons), enjoy the beauty of the here and now, and ponder the “what’s next” when I get home, I am gently reminded.  The God that created this, and there really isn’t a better word than Majestic to encompass it, is in fact the beautiful, mighty, peaceful, holy lamb of God that I bow down to.  And once again, at the end of myself (you’d think I’d learn that lesson). He is there and so I consciously choose to release it all to Him, knowing that He already has plans for me.  My prayer is that you can too.  Sit at his feet, talk through your worries and concerns, and let Him remind you of his power and glory and His love for you.

Circle

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Who’s in your Circle?

A few weeks ago a former coworker sought me out to talk.  In our conversation he expressed deep pain and loneliness since he had left his position in ministry.  He was only sporadically attending a church and still hurting from his most recent ministry experience.  He said, “I am drowning, and I don’t know what to do.”

He is not alone.  In the midst of ministry and amazing service, we can lose ourselves.  Our work, our co-workers, our boss, our friends, our family, our church, and our employees are all the same people.  When things are good, this beautiful harmony, common vision and mission, and constant contact feels good, powerful even, unstoppable. But when things take a turn, hard seasons, painful relationship rifts, and unwelcome change, can quickly feel like we are losing everything.

I have been in this season, if you work or serve in full-time ministry you have probably been through this season.  It can be so hard.  In my story, in a season of incredible church growth, it became apparent that a good friendship was not going to survive the growing pains of our ministry.  It broke my heart, I held on longer than I probably should have, I turned a blind eye to manipulations and disagreements that ultimately ended up hurting us both more.  I wish I had done it differently, but I was also feeling so alone.  We had been in this together, the two of us against the world in growing a ministry, but in the midst of fierce opposition  when it became apparent that our relationship was struggling, I realized I had made a mistake.  I didn’t have a circle of people, I had one person, and I was losing her.

God, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, intervened.  He highlighted other women, other people who I had kept at a safe distance during our “just the two of us” friendship.  He brought people to speak some truth into my life and to encourage and love.  Some of them spoke painful truth, some of them showed grace and love and understanding that I didn’t deserve, some of them re-engaged friendship.  And in that season, a season of hurt and loneliness, God built this incredible circle of friends in my life.

What I didn’t know then was that He was building a circle that would sustain many hard seasons moving forward.  That five years later this group would be my lifeline as once again significant changes in ministry happened.  They would be my council, my strength, my sympathetic ears, and my hard truth advisors in serious growth and pain moments.  They would be my strongest allies when I stayed to fight, and they would be my fiercest prayer warriors when God began to speak of moving to something new.

I probably could have done it without them, I’m glad I didn’t have to.  

This weekend, I was incredibly blessed to be able to spend the weekend with two woman of my circle.  One of them moved away two years ago, and what was intended to be only a separation of distance but with regular visits,  because of COVID turned into a much longer time.  The other, while still local, changes in our work and ministry callings mean that we don’t see each-other as much as we used to.  A last minute plan to meet up took shape and the three of us spent 2 days reconnecting, talking, and laughing together.  We weaved our way through current events, life changes, spiritual health, healing, and family updates.  We sat pool side and dreamed a little about the future.  We shared tender moments and a hurting heart for the brokenness of our world, and were exceptionally kind to the people we interacted with.  We did nothing and yet everything.  

And I was reminded, we all need this.  I need a circle.  You need a circle.  The former co-worker I started this story with needs a circle.  The good news is God knows that, and He is preparing one for you, but you have to pay attention.  You have to be intentional.  Don’t be like me and wait for the most painful parts of your story, to allow God to bring in your circle, be proactive.

At first glace, my circle wouldn’t all make sense.  I have super sensitive people and tell it like it is people.   Ministry People and Secular Work World people. Funny and serious. Young moms and Grandmas. Sarcastic and gentle.  But beneath the differences, what my circle is, is a group of women genuinely seeking the will of God in their lives.  Committed to being better people, better wives, mothers, employees, friends.  Committed to asking “where is Jesus” in that.  Committed to having hard conversations and staying in it when it get’s hard.  These are my people and I am eternally grateful for them.

Who is in your circle?  Who are your people?  There is no magic number.  I have 8 in my inner circle, Jesus had 12.  Do you have 1? (I might argue that 2 people don’t really make a circle, but it’s a start.)  If you know who your circle is, if you can easily identify the people who will stand with you, fight for and with you, speak truth and love in equal measure, then I applaud you.  Enjoy.  However, if that is not your story, it’s time to seek God, to ask for names, to open doors and conversation.

We are after all created for relationship.  Will you choose today to connect with your circle if you haven’t done so in a while, or to begin to ask Jesus who is supposed to be in your circle.  It will change your life.

 

World Changer

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Brokenness

We are living in a broken world. That’s not new, it’s been true since the fall, but just in case we weren’t paying attention or didn’t think things were “that bad,” this last year has shed a whole new light on brokenness.  Everyday my social media posts are flooded with horrible customer stories.  I don’t mean the demanding the manger stories, I mean “the pregnant waitress who was told by a customer that they hope she miscarried” type of stories.  The war between opposing opinions on politics, religion, health, and the places those meet.  The growing unkindness, impatience, and straight up anger at everything from inanimate objects to neighbors to families.

It is easy to become disgusted by these stories.  It is easy to get angry at the people we know that are behaving badly.  It’s also easy to buy into the anger and agree with someone, if not verbally, then emotionally or spiritually or by action (or inaction).  But my heart has been softening lately and hurting.  In all the anger and resentment lies loss.  In all the attitude and language lies fear.  In the meanness and pettiness lies uncertainty.  Our world has shifted and nothing is quite as anyone expected it to be.  In a world of hurting and broken people, the default has become to hurt and break others so that we may be less broken.  To fill the missing pieces with anything that makes us feel better about ourselves.  To silence the internal accusations by pointing the finger to others.  However, no matter how wrongly we are treated, what values are questioned, what character attacks we suffer, Jesus is not in the biting comeback or snarky defensiveness.

Love, peace, patience, joy, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness and self control.  Those are the fruits of the spirit, where you find those things you find Jesus.  Where you share those things, you share Jesus.  Where you are led by those things, you are led by Jesus. In a world that is growing excessively negative and loud, how are you doing in sowing these seeds.  This is what the world needs from us.  This is what the world needs from Jesus.  This is how we change the world. 

 

 

Tale of Two Restaurants

I went out to eat at two similar casual restaurants, the kind where you order at the counter.  One was a burrito place; one was a sandwich shop.  Both were ridiculously short staffed and busy.  At the burrito place, which admittedly, is not my favorite, I was helped by a young adult who was clearly new to the job, didn’t or couldn’t answer the couple questions I asked, and made a mess of my burrito – not rolling it up all the way and allowing it to tear in several places, when I ate it (with a fork) it was cold all the way through and dry.  I was frustrated.  I didn’t do anything that I owe the clerk an apology for, but my family, and probably anyone close enough to pay attention were acutely aware that I was unhappy as I stabbed at my food and grumbled about it.  I’m not proud of that.  We were having a good day, celebrating a two-day football win for my son, and I got grumpy about a burrito.

Then, just yesterday, we went grocery shopping and stopped at the sandwich place.  It also had a new young employee. I’m pretty sure he was the only one there.  They were out of several toppings, the freshly baked bread (which is my favorite thing about this chain) was flat and misshaped. We ordered our sandwiches, skipped the items they were out of, watched him sloppily roll up my sandwich that was also falling apart.  We helped him update his sticky note with the list of “out of” items and thanked him for our meal.  As we sat down to eat and laughed at the mess we were making with our sandwiches as mayo and onions clung to the outside of the bread and other veggies dripped onto the paper.  Our hands were a sticky mess and the fountain drinks weren’t working (so no water), but we laughed and ate.  I told my kids that it looked like he was the only one working today, we should just be glad he showed up when others’ didn’t.  Despite the mess, we had a good time, and everyone left in a good mood.

Change the World

One of those encounters reflects the fruit of the spirit in my life, the other does not.  To be clear, I wasn’t mean and I didn’t say anything.  But I also showed no love, peace, patience, joy, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control – If somebody had chosen that moment to ask me about Jesus, I would’ve been a poor witness to the life change Jesus offers. 

Friends, this is what it’s really all about.  How are you impacting the world around you?  What kind of seeds are you sowing?  What will you be remembered for?  Sadly, my kids see the best and worst of me, just like they did on these two occasions (ok, maybe not the worst of me, but the not so great), hopefully they see the best more that the worst.  Hopefully they see a growing curve of more great days than not so great days.  Hopefully, they see me offering love, peace, patience, joy, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness and self control more than not.  Those are the seeds I want to sow.  Those are the seeds Jesus wants us to sow.  And one person at a time, one kindness at a time is how we will change the world.  Love well today.  Be kind today.  Share Jesus with your words, your actions, and your reactions today.

 

One Enemy

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Our Only Enemy

War Waged

The truth is, you have an enemy.  The villain in God’s story is the same villain in your story.  You have spent your whole life in battle, against the enemy who has come to steal, kill & destroy.  We will talk more about warfare a little later, but for now, would you just consider that you have been at war.  

Lies

And because you are gifted with strength and beauty and empathy and compassion the enemy has come in like a thief and told you lies, lies about men, lies about church, lies about society, lies about women, lies about God, and lies about you.   He has been your accuser, he has called you too much and not enough, he has called you shameful and worthless, he has called you unloved, unprotected, not worth fighting for and even before you understood all the words, you agreed with him, in a million small ways and later in life in bigger ways.

Truth

So it seems, that in order to move forward, to be able to fully embrace the truth of who we are and how God sees us, we will have to spend a little bit of time acknowledging the agreements we have made with the accuser, the places we haven’t always let God’s voice be the loudest, hidden places we prefer to not even look at ourselves much less allow others into.

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In The Moment

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 Division

It’s back to school season for the mom’s out there.  Here in Colorado it’s also back to church season.  The beautiful weather in the summer beckons us to be outside and usually with the return to the rhythm of school, the church rhythm is found again too.  For women serving in churches this can be a very busy season as new home/school schedules emerge, new groups and programs are launched, and honestly in just a few short months we’ll be full steam into the holiday season.

This quote showed up in my social media this morning, and got me thinking and reflecting…

My brain and heart divorced a decade ago over who was to blame about how big of a mess I have become.

Eventually, they couldn’t be in the same room with each other now my head and heart share custody of me

I stay with my brain during the week and my heart gets me on weekends, they never speak to one another

Instead, they give me the same note to pass to each other every week and their notes they send to one another always say the same thing: “This is all your fault.”

On Sundays my heart complains about how my head has let me down in the past and on Wednesday my head lists all of the times my heart has screwed things up for me in the future. They blame each other for the state of my life.  There’s been a lot of yelling and crying. 

So, lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my gut who serves as my unofficial therapist most nights, I sneak out of the window in my ribcage and slide down my spine and collapse on my gut’s plush leather chair that’s always open for me and I just sit sit sit sit until the sun comes up.

Last evening, my gut asked me if I was having a hard time being caught between my heart and my head I nodded I said I didn’t know if I could live with either of them anymore, “my heart is always sad about something that happened yesterday, while my head is always worried about something that may happen tomorrow,” I lamented. My gut squeezed my hand. “I just can’t live with my mistakes of the past or my anxiety about the future,”

I sighed, my gut smiled and said:  “in that case, you should go stay with your lungs for a while.” I was confused, the look on my face gave it away “if you are exhausted about your heart’s obsession with the fixed past and your mind’s focus on the uncertain future, your lungs are the perfect place for you. There is no yesterday in your lungs, there is no tomorrow there either,

there is only now, there is only inhale

there is only exhale, there is only this moment

there is only breath, 

and in that breath you can rest while your heart and head work their relationship out.”

This morning, while my brain was busy reading tea leaves and while my heart was staring at old photographs, I packed a little bag and walked to the door of my lungs.

Before I could even knock, she opened the door with a smile and as a gust of air embraced me she said. “what took you so long?”

~ john roedel (johnroedel.com)

 

 

Working Together

My youngest child started High School today. She’s the youngest of four, we’ve done this before.  I know that the next four years are going to fly by and my heart is a little tender and also excited.  It’s the beginning of the end, of a season with kids at home that has lasted 24 years (with 4 more to go).  It’s also the beginning of  a new season which promises freedoms, and maybe sleep, and plans which felt elusive and distant for the last 24 years. 

As I swirl in the emotions; pride, joy, hope, sadness, fear, loss, expectation, I become increasingly aware that each of the feelings lives somewhere in my body.  The fear and control live in my brain, as it plans and worries about the future, the hope and joy and sadness all live in my heart as the pulse quickens with  joy and hurts in sadness.  Stress and worry rest in my neck and shoulders.  Pride and expectation and loss all hangout in my gut as I alternately feel my stomaching dropping or quieting as I reflect on this stage.

But today, right now, this moment, lives in my lungs.  One breath at a time.  One moment at a time.  One experience at a time.

There was a time when various parts of my body, sought divorce, or at least separation from each other.  Much like in the quote, my mind and heart were often at odds with each other.  Sometime I just couldn’t find the doorway to my lungs or find the time to visit.  Sometimes my gut overruled everything else, and sometimes it was mysteriously silent.  But my body is not divorced.  It is sharing space and working together.  Jesus is molding and guiding me on seeing and honoring each emotion, each experience, and then laying them at His feet.

This month, as we establish our new rhythm, It is my prayer for all of us that we would walk in the balance between head and heart, gut and shoulders, and that we remember to prioritize our time with our lungs.  Our time breathing in and breathing out.  Our time being in the moment.  Experience now.  Learn now.  Reflect now.  See Jesus now.  Tomorrow will come with it’s own worries, lets not lose today.  

 

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matt 6:34